Laughter & Wisdom

Abraham's Memory

posted Apr 9, 2012, 7:26 AM by Sandi Young

Abraham bought himself a fancy new computer. He was showing it to Isaac one day. "Look at all the wonderful programs it has on it. And look at all the neat things it can
do..."

Isaac was impressed, but a little concerned..."But dad, I don't think your computer
has enough memory."

Abraham said "Don't worry son; the Lord will provide the RAM."

Scripture to Live By

posted Apr 9, 2012, 7:25 AM by Sandi Young

My pastor-husband Scott has a sweet tooth, so I knew the chocolate chip cookies I'd just baked might disappear before I returned from running errands. To discourage him, I taped a verse on the wrapped goodies:

"Everything is permissible for me — but not everything is beneficial." - 1 Cor. 6:12.

When I returned I found half the cookies gone and another verse attached: "The righteous eat to their heart's content, but the stomach of the wicked goes hungry" - Prov. 13:25.

Man's Best Friend

posted Apr 9, 2012, 7:25 AM by Sandi Young

A minister delivered a sermon in ten minutes one Sunday morning that was about half the usual length of his sermons. He explained, "I regret to inform you that my dog, who is very fond of eating paper, ate that portion of my sermon which I was unable to
deliver this morning." After the service, a visitor from another church shook hands with the preacher as he was leaving, and said, "Sir, if that dog of yours has any pups, I sure would like to get one to give to my minister!"

Letter from Satan to Pat Robertson

posted Apr 9, 2012, 7:24 AM by Sandi Young

Dear Pat Robertson,  

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher.

The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake.

Haven't you seen "Crossroads" ? Or "Damn Yankees"?  Does no one know "Faust" any more? If I had a thing going with Haiti , there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.  

You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please.

Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.  

Best,

Satan

Rules of Marriage According to Kids

posted Apr 9, 2012, 7:23 AM by Sandi Young

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