"No matter who you are,or where you are on lifes journey,
you are most welcome here".

  

1905 Edmondson Ave. Catonsville, MD 21228 - 410.744.5014
          
Worship begins at 10:30 am
      
 
 
 
 
 
 
Laughter & Wisdom
 

Rules of Marriage According to Kids

Letter from Satan to Pat Robertson

Man's Best Friend

Scripture to Live By

Abraham's Memory
 
Rules of Marriage According to Kids
  1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? 

    2. -You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10  (good plan Alan)

    -No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10 

  2.  WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? 

    3. Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10

  3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF 2 PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? 

    4. You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8

  4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? 

    5. Both don't want any more kids.  -- Lori, age 8

  5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? 

    -Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.  -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

    -On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.  -- Martin, age 10

  6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? 

    -When they're rich.  -- Pam, age 7

    -The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.  -- Curt, age 7

    -The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. 
    -- Howard, age 8

  7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? 

    It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9

    (bless you child )

  8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? 

    9. There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? 
    -- Kelvin, age 8

    And the #1 Favorite is ..........

  9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

    Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck !!! -- Ricky , age 10  

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Letter from Satan to Pat Robertson

Dear Pat Robertson,  

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher.

The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake.

Haven't you seen "Crossroads" ? Or "Damn Yankees"?  Does no one know "Faust" any more? If I had a thing going with Haiti , there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.  

You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please.

Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.  

Best,

Satan

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Man's Best Friend

A minister delivered a sermon in ten minutes one Sunday morning that was about half the usual length of his sermons. He explained, "I regret to inform you that my dog, who is very fond of eating paper, ate that portion of my sermon which I was unable to
deliver this morning." After the service, a visitor from another church shook hands with the preacher as he was leaving, and said, "Sir, if that dog of yours has any pups, I sure would like to get one to give to my minister!"

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Scripture to Live By

My pastor-husband Scott has a sweet tooth, so I knew the chocolate chip cookies I'd just baked might disappear before I returned from running errands. To discourage him, I taped a verse on the wrapped goodies:

"Everything is permissible for me — but not everything is beneficial." - 1 Cor. 6:12.

When I returned I found half the cookies gone and another verse attached: "The righteous eat to their heart's content, but the stomach of the wicked goes hungry" - Prov. 13:25.

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Abraham's Memory

Abraham bought himself a fancy new computer. He was showing it to Isaac one day. "Look at all the wonderful programs it has on it. And look at all the neat things it can
do..."

Isaac was impressed, but a little concerned..."But dad, I don't think your computer
has enough memory."

Abraham said "Don't worry son; the Lord will provide the RAM."

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